Sige Na, Ako Na

Sa bawat sinag ng araw na ang binabalik sa akin ay ambon,
Bawat oras ng bukas na magiging isang simpleng kahapon,
Sa bawat sandaling huli na ang pag-dating,
Bawat “hindi ako pwede”, “busy ako”, o ano pang sinungaling.

Kahit ako na ang maghintay,
Kahit ako nalang ang magpuyat,
Kahit ako nalang ang tumayo dito
At ikaw nalang ang lumakad palayo

Sige na, ako na ang magdudusa.

Kung ang kapalit naman pala ay ika’y hindi na mapapahamak
Kung ang kapantay naman ay ang iyong tuwa at ligaya
Kung ang kailangan mo lang ay ang aking puso at diwa,
Ok lang, mahal, sige na, ako na.

Isang pahayag na dati’y sobrang tamis
Ngunit ngayo’y sobrang laki ng hinagpis
Pinipilit na ngumiti sa bawat sandali
Kahit na mata’y pula sa hapdi

Sige na. Oo na. Ako na ang may mali.

Sa bawat imbitasyon, bawat lakad, at bawat hamon,
Bawat pagtawag ng saklolo na hindi mo naririnig
Bawat oras na sinayang sa paghintay at pagtimpi
Bawat pagkunwari para lang ika’y bumalik.

Ako ba’y naririnig na ngayon? Sige na, ako na.

 

Ano ba… Ako nalang palagi.

 

Hindi… Ok lang.

 

 

 

Teka.

Ok nga lang ba?

A Love Letter to Self-Love

Dear self-love,

Your cousins, sisters, brothers all outshine you
Eros, Agape, Filia, Storge, just to name a few
But out of all the people in your family
Only you have ever left an impression on me; you see,

No language in the world does justice to your name
No culture that romanticizes the warmth of your flames
Oh, am I the only one that yearns for your existence,
The only one overpowered by your silent presence?

Thank you for taking care of me when no one else did
Chanced meetings in dark places, how ironic, isn’t it?
How much I crave you when you’re away,
And yet, underestimate you whenever you stay.

Why not seek glory and fame like the others?
Yet, I’m thankful, for your humility has pushed me farther
It is selfish of me to have you to myself, but am I
To be blamed when all else has seen you, and without a pause, simply passed by?

But oh, you have taught me what love meant, and
It was giving what you have without bargaining for your end
I want to have you as mine, to close all our distance
Such sentiments will defeat your purpose, an insult to your existence

And so – an open letter
For the curious, the wounded, those who yearn to feel better
For those who still look for solace in their own embrace
For those whose shadows save them from grace

absence

I feel your soothing words of “I’m right here for you” the most
just as when I’m crying myself to sleep at night
in pitch black darkness
where none can see
the effect of your absence
where only i can feel
the emptiness of your words

“RE: Filipinos saying we should move on”

 

Don’t you dare associate heartbreak with socio-political traumas
On top of the reasons why, is that theirs ended with a period; yours, a comma

Never think that your tears over a lover is the same grief victims feel
Opposition led the powerful to send Death to many; your sad songs
Tell about a boy or girl you losed; how can you still

Fall in love with the idea of not remembering? I refuse to think
Only the ones who were wounded would remember the scars; that
Rage will only beget those near the fire, and never those who were afar
God rightfully gave us life, even if this religion was forced upon us by a separate enemy
Even if both a heartbreak and a death are both graced with loss, one was simply a mistake;
The other, a tragedy; we forget what’s at stake –

Made a promise to the future children never to beat them with the same stick that harmed us
Apathy: the one emotion you learn after heartbreak; the one thing you get if you don’t get scarred
Rage beget by those near the fire, are now burning those who are afar
To wound them, to hurt them, to make them feel what they were feeling, this…
Instead of aiming the flames to the ones who held the match, we hiss at
Anyone ignorant, for we’d rather burn whole forests than the one stick that was first lit
Learn from the past, both for heartbreak and traumas, but don’t you dare forget it

Let scars be shown
Accept it
What has happened has happened.

Remember it.

Share this:

I love the dimples in your smile

The tiny wrinkles of your eyes

The way you frown while grinning

when explaining something amazing that frustrates you

 

I love how childish you can be sometimes

How your laugh bubbles from your chest

How you never take your eyes off mine

when explaining something I love more than you

 

But out of all the things I love about you

Do I love you?

The Tragedy of the Self-Entitled Girl with the Flames

I can hear the whispers from a mile away
As I post my advocacies online
I can see them shaking their heads in disappointment
and scrolling away my fire.

They say I’ve changed into something flammable,
something dangerous. I should tone it down.
They say I should stop lest I burn myself
Can’t they see that their words make me drown?

I was never afraid to burn myself
For I knew I was going to be the light
But I was a fool. The flames have blinded me
And now I kill the fire to return my sight

I promised myself I won’t be a droplet in the ocean
I would let my flames lick people’s eyes open wide
But their words burned hotter than my passion
So, like everyone else, I shall stop asking the “why”s

Never will you see another advocacy
Never will you hear another battle cry
I cannot war with others’ demons
When I can barely stay alive defeating mine

So say farewell to that girl on fire
She has long gone turned into ash
What’s left of her now is her teardrops
Going with the flow of the sea

Is this not what you have wanted?
Well for once, you get what you wished
Say farewell to that girl on fire
Your spit has died down her flames

I say farewell to dreams of making a legacy
I should’ve known even statues of heroes would rot
All I have now is a written tragedy
And now my heroic efforts are for naught

This is the last you’ll hear from me
The self-entitled girl with the flames
Fire was never to be played by children
Once burnt, now sworn – never again.

The Fear of Imperfection

The fancy notebook was never filled
although it willed you to write
Words promised, to be sealed
you want it to be right

Words should be chosen carefully,
or so that’s what they said
But remember this, remember truthfully
All our ledgers are gushing red

The fragile mind, made of glass, is full of scratches,
The crumpled heart, made of paper, is fulled with ink blotches
But note that everyone has their own hamartia
A fatal flaw that should be loved and not hated.

The Wonderers

[A/N: Created year 2012]

Their job’s to sit and think things through

To solve the problems, and to see to

It that nothing ever comes in way

So that they’ll live to see another day

All around them’s chaos and fire

But the Wonderers will never retire

They work to fix the problems in their mind

That’s why they’re always so occupied

Their job’s to sit and close their eyes

Isn’t it tiring not to wake and rise

To see the progress you have done

Shame that still, they have none

Isn’t it tiring to laze about

To frown and never move your mouth

The Wonderers give their life to save

Everyone else who’ll never say,

“Oh thank you, dearies, you’ve cleared our bill!

You’ve solved our problems!” No, they never will

For they are not unseen but overlooked

A minor character in a book

But once, they saved a little girl

Gave her another day to dance and twirl
Less than ten, that was her age

When she was caught, hopeless and caged

By the devil who breathed hot fire

Who everyone knew to be a wretch, a liar

The Wonderers sat and did what they did best

And wondered how to put their wond’rings to the test

Save the innocents, that’s what they do

They’ve saved millions, they will save this one too

But this was the devil, who always wanted

Something in return, and soon he grunted,

“Keep this girl in my hell, that’s what I’ll do!

If you don’t fulfill my condition, behold, I have two!

One, no one shall ever be happy for more

Than a couple of days, or there shall be gore

On the little girlie I have in my command

So destroy them, Wonderers, and I’ll give her where you stand

Two, if the first shall be fulfilled,

The girl’s no exception, she will be killed

If I give her to you, she will be dead

Naught but a corpse, oh yes, I am mad!

But mercy I have, so I ask for just one

Thing from her; and then she can run

Away from me as far she she can

All I ask is for happiness to end

Never shall she be able to smile!

Can you sacrifice the chidlhood of a child

To save the lives of the world you protect?

The world I so wish that I can wreck!”

And so the Wonderers think and think and think

How can they destroy the world’s peace in a blink

Of an eye? But you can see the Wonderer’s decision

You can see it all in your peripheral vision

They saved the girl and no one’s been happy ever

Since for more than a couple o’ days, that’s how it is forever.

We Promised

[A/N: Created year 2012]

We promised not to forget, but why do we act like we don’t remember?
We used to laugh at everything, but why do we not greet each other anymore?
It wasn’t supposed to be this way, but we knew this day was coming,
We pretended anyway, but the future was always there, looming, waiting.

We promised it won’t end this way, but all those promises were for naught,
Suffering in the moment called today, no longer in the warmth we once sought.
It shouldn’t have ended this way, pretending not to know, pretending not to care.
But we do it anyway, and it pains me to know you’re always there.

We promised, we promised! We jested but deep inside we meant it,
When we said, “Together, we’ll face what was coming”
It was a thread that to something more, we trusted each other not to cut it,
We didn’t, but instead did the unimaginable. You let go, I started lying.

We ended up going our separate ways, saying goodbye to our counted days.
Not really what we wanted, there was still so much to say.
But behind the regrets and the pain of losing you,
No matter what happens, I’m still hoping for us, together, tomorrow.

“You win or You die”

Jon Arryn was poisoned
Ned was beheaded
Oberyn’s head exploded
The Hound was left untended

Little girls are no exception
Myrcella unknowingly kissed a deadly potion
Shireen was burnt alive for a witch’s curse
But remember when Arya and Sansa’s innocence had died first

Renly was killed by his own brother
Robb was stabbed, witnessed by his own mother
Tyrion killed his own father
And Selyse, out of guilt, killed her.

Looking back to the oldest book, the Bible,
Written in the oldest chapter, Genesis
Out of envy, Cain has slain Abel
The righteous has lost once again – the victor? Their nemesis.

All my childhood, I was promised a prince charming and a happily ever after.
But Game of Thrones taught me the cruelest law of all, oh look what I’ve become
They raised us all these years to be children of summer,
when they should have been preparing us for the long winters to come

Winter is coming, and child, learn what battles you must fight
There are always two kinds of people: Those who fight to survive,
and those who fight for what’s right.
Truly, in life, do you do what you must to be just,
or must you bleed others dry to be alive?

© Anilyn Nikoleta