Let’s say you woke up in the middle of the night, full of anxiety and depression and fear. You feel the need to talk to someone – someone who you think might help you. Someone who can say the right words. Someone you can vent to. Someone who wouldn’t go “Don’t worry, it’ll pass” or “it’s just a/an …”.
That person is called your 3AM person.
It’s hard to find a 3AM person. For people in a relationship, this would be easy. Their 3AM person is their partner. But it’s hard to choose one out of the many friends who assured you “if you ever need me, call me”.
Choosing a 3AM person is also risky. Your other friends might think they’re not as special to you, or worse, the person you chose was the wrong one. Imagine battling your inner fears and having your chosen 3AM person say “go the fuck to sleep okay”. Horrible, right? There’s also the problem of deciding if you’re going to tell them beforehand, or if you’re just going to go on impulse. Nonetheless, you have to consider… what if they’re uncomfortable with the idea?
But, despite the risk of losing a friend, you have to have a 3AM person.
Personally, I want to be someone’s 3AM person. Maybe that’s why I want Psychology. I want to be there for someone. For everyone. I want to be able to willingly help them through their battle, no matter what it is, and I want to help them win against their demons. I want to be there because, out of everything in this world, I don’t want to be helpless. Especially when someone’s already an inch before the edge.
But who’s my 3AM person? Who helps the helper? Must she help herself?
Maybe it is hypocritical of me to ask people to trust me with their feelings and problems, when I can’t trust anyone else with mine. Maybe I’m okay with reaching out to others and tapping into their doubts and conflicts, but I don’t dare reach out and ask for help about my own. Maybe the reason why I reach out and solve people’s problems, but not reach out and ask about how to solve mine, is because I’m waiting, still waiting, for someone to reach out and ask me.
But this is an open invitation. To anyone willing to listen. Forewarning, though. My problems are like a dam that’s been filled to the brim for too long, and once you tap the fragile walls, the entirety of my being might flood your soul, and you might drown in the process. That is what I am most afraid of. I am afraid my negativity will affect my 3AM person gravely.
But if you have a strong resolve, and you think you can handle it, if you think you can handle me, then I ask you… Will you be my 3AM person?